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Archive for March, 2009

“Arizona’s Urban Heart”

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

The Downtown Phoenix Partnership spent $160,00 for a team of marketers to come up with this motto for the city of Phoenix.

For a Filiberto’s Carne Asada burrito and a large Pina, I gladly would have provided them an appropriate motto for the valley of the sun.

Here are some alternate mottos that they should have considered:

“Phoenix – hey, at least it’s not Reno…”
“Home of a million, Dollar stores”
“First in meth!”

Paltry/Poultry

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

I was awoken at 3:00 in the morning. My stomach was like a cauldron and sweat was upon my brow. In my fevered, half-dream state I could envision my innards being stirred by one of the weird sisters from Macbeth, but instead of an old woman it was a chicken, anthropomorphized so that it was gripping a long spoon in its wing. It was cackling, taking great pleasure in its revenge for its undercooked brother or sister that I had consumed.

The next morning I woke up, thinking that I could get through the work day with the help of Tums. By 10:00 am, with a stomach full of enough Tums to neutralize a large Pyrex beaker full of Hydrochloric acid, I knew it was time to go home.

I should have known better – but I had eaten at this taco stand dozens of times. They use all organic ingredients, which evidently includes free range Salmonella. The red chile beef taco was great, as well as the green chile version. The chicken soft taco was very watery – this was the infidel that would wage gastro-intestinal warfare against me.

Three days down and I am back. I lost a bunch of weight, but would not recommend this as a viable means of dieting to anybody.

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